Tiny Pink Pill

My tiny pink pills keep me happy, social, inspired, upbeat, lively.... sane.

It's the sad truth. If I didn't take my tiny pink pills, I would be unbearable to be around. So every morning, I choke something down whether or not I'm hungry, and take those two little tiny pink pills.

No one takes any particular pride in taking medicine. I know I don't. But I know it's a necessary evil. No one absolutely has to know I take it, but nearly everyone notices when I don't. So, I warn people before hand, so they don't take offense when I'm not my cheery, happy-go-lucky self.

I have PTSD. That's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

No, I had nothing to do with Vietnam or any other war. Don't be silly. But it is still a very real mental "disability". I have coped with the fact that I have it, so those two tiny pills are my best friends, in a way.

They keep away the nightmares,

the panic attacks,

the paranoia,

the unidentifiable fears,

the anger and hostility outbursts,

the sleep deprivation,

the emotional numbness,

the fear of communication,

the constant terrible thoughts that plague me,

the depression.

To some people, I'm considered crazy because of my diagnosis. But really, that diagnosis proved to me that I'm not crazy. Not really. I have gone through traumatic times in my life, and haven't yet coped with what happened. I will never be cured of PTSD, but I will cope and remember that I am ok now, that life is bearable and I can live a happy life.

There's nothing wrong with having a "mental disorder" like PTSD or Schizophrenia, or anything of the sort. That doesn't make you crazy, just mildly disabled. Like.... Someone with diabetes. THey have to take insulin everyday and watch what they eat. I have to take medicine everyday and keep myself in a positive environment.

I am no more crazy mentally than a diabetic is "crippled" physically.

You know what? I'm glad I have those tiny pink pills. Yeah, I hate to have to take them, but I am thankful for them. I have gotten exponentially better since I began taking my medicine. I have a few friends, my family is more comfortable being around me, I am able to take care of my dog, of housework, of multitasking, without a major panic attack. To anyone that doesn't know me, I pretty much look and act like a normal young adult. It's my dirty little secret. :)

I urge you, if you think there is something wrong with you, tell someone that you know cares.

You're not crazy, you're having to cope with something that is bigger than you can handle by yourself.

You deserve to get better!

You deserve to be happy!

My tiny pink pills are smaller than my pinky nail, but help me more than any bottle of alcohol, big fat blunt, or pack of cigarettes.

My tiny pink pills helped me stop hurting myself physicall. No, I wasn't a cutter, but I did bite myself, pull my hair out, punch or kick things that may or may not have broken.

I lost interest in writing. haha So I'll write more on this later.